I don’t know if I should say “I like you” or “I love you” to her. I’ve been confused on this mess for a while.

Her name is Kathy, a 27-year-old girl. We used to work for the same company before. She was the chief translator of the company while I was a director of a big department. It was coincident that we were interviewed together by the management. And we were chosen from among 20 over candidates. Deeply impressed by her high English standard, I started to pay special attention on her.

Frankly, she is not a pretty girl in some people’s eyes. But she is special to me. There’s something about her which attracts me. Due to the office rules of my company, we used OICQ to chat with each other. She’s not talkative, so most of the time we just hanging on the Internet and saying nothing. I always make myself in invisible mood on Internet, but for her, I show myself up to the front, just wanna let her know my existence.

I seldom call or send message to her; because I’m afraid my messages would bother her or interrupt her from doing something important. We live on different locations, but I insisted to send her home for months, because I wanted to be with her.

I know I’m a married man, who should be responsible and loyal to my wife. My marriage life never turns to be happy, though! Even so, I knew how to behave myself in face of her. I didn’t even touch her hands when we were alone in the restaurant or inside my car. I was trying my bests to keep our relationship within the range of friendship.

On the other hand, she was pretty cold to me. Whenever I proposed a suggestion to her, such as going out for a dinner, watching a movie or traveling to some places together…, she would definitely and firmly say No to me. Once one of my buddies asked me: what do you want from her? I said I didn’t know. I still don’t know what I have been doing now.

She’s a good and smart girl. I know she knows about me and my wired actions for her. She must have reasons to give me al l the rejections. I’m good at handling rejections, though! Because I used to be the top salesman in my company!

She’s always in my mind, even in my dreams sometimes. I don’t know whether I should cal l this love or like. I guess my feelings on her are now in between them. My head is a mess and I don’t know what I have written