“Jupiter has bestowed far more passion than reason - you could calculate the ratio as 24 to one. He set up two raging tyrants in opposition to Reason’s solitary power: anger and lust. How far Reason can prevail against the combined forces of these two the common life of man makes quite clear. Reason does the only thing she can and shouts herself hoarse, repeating the formulas of virtue, while the other two bid her go hang herself, and are increasingly noisy and offensive, until at last their Ruler is exhausted, gives up, and surrenders.”

The quote above is from the book “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman, in which he also explains that emotional aptitude is a meta-ability. That is, it effects how well we’re able to apply or put to work our other talents and abilities. Having the ability to soothe yourself and shake off anger and irritability are vital to your productivity.

On the other hand, not being able to self-soothe and let go of negative feelings can lead to many wasted hours stewing in unproductive emotions. By learning to manage your emotions–and for the purposes of this post, learning how to manage anger–you’ll be freeing up countless hours and even days, weeks, and months.

Feeling and showing anger at the right time, in the right degree, and in the right way helps us to get along well with others while setting necessary limits and boundaries so that we can create and live our best life. Anger can also serve as a motivator to help propel us in the direction of our dreams. However, anger that is excessive and/or out of place can lead us to take action that is not in our best interest. In addition, suppressed anger can fester and can lead to a host of problems, such as poor health, dysfunctional relationships, low self-esteem, inability to focus and concentrate, and so on.

Excessive Anger

Anger produces a physiological response in the body: your heart rate increases, blood rushes to your limbs, and a rush of hormones such as adrenaline increases the energy necessary for action. This physiological response creates tension, and letting anger out as aggression can momentarily provide some release from said tension. However, an aggressive response rarely solves the underlying problem; instead, it will likely escalate the situation and lead to even more anger, tension, and aggression.

There are many methods you can use to help you defuse the anger caused by any given situation in which you feel that you’ve been wronged, taken advantage of, or otherwise treated unfairly in some way. You’ll find a few recommendations in the conclusion of this article. By lessening the intensity of your anger you will put yourself in a position from which you can act in a constructive and assertive manner, and communicate your feelings and needs effectively, instead of lashing out at others and acting in a way that does not serve you well.

Suppressed Anger

At the other extreme, some people cope with anger by suppressing it. They simply try to focus on something else and hope that by not thinking about it, the anger will go away. Anger that is not allowed outward expression turns inward. This response to anger can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or even severe depression. In addition, many people who suppress their anger tend to have addictive behaviors, such as overeating, gambling, drinking, and so on. They also tend to be moody and have a low tolerance for even minor irritations.

If you have a tendency to suppress anger, you need to find ways to release the anger instead of burying it. Pretending that the anger is not there is a form of resistance toward the anger. Hale Dwoskin, one of the founders of the Sedona Method–a method which consists of a series of questions you ask yourself that lead your awareness to focus on what you’re feeling in the moment and gently guide you toward letting it go–, has the following to say about releasing negative emotions: “The instant you stop resisting any negative emotion… is the instant it gives up its hold over you. So, welcome the feeling and then let it go. This frees up space for you to begin feeling good - feeling the peace that you truly are.”

Conclusion

There are many ways in which to diffuse anger such as unplugging yourself from the situation, going for a walk, reframing the situation, engineering some small triumph for yourself to lift your mood, and so on. I mention the Sedona Method, The Silva Life System for meditation, and Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) on this blog every chance that I get, because I personally have benefited enormously from applying these methods. All three are very effective for dealing with anger.

Applying these techniques will help dissolve your anger and will allow you to free yourself from its negative side effects, including mental upset, physical disturbances, and tensions in your relationships. At the same time, once you learn how to release the tension that accompanies anger you will be in a better position to respond to any anger-producing situation in a calm manner that will help you resolve the situation, instead of either ignoring it or making it worse.

“相对于理智，丘比特被赋予了更多的激情-你可以按24比1的比率计算。他创造了与理智的孤独力量相对立的两个邪恶势力：愤怒和贪婪。如何用理智抵御人一生当中这两股邪恶力量的纠缠是很明确的。理智按她所能做的唯一的方式行事，她发出低微的声音，重复着美德的准则，而愤怒和贪婪企求她的屈服，他们不断放大声音，变得更无礼，直到他们的气数耗尽，放弃，成为投降者。”

上述文字是从丹尼尔·高勒曼的《情感的智慧》一书中摘录的。他还在书中解释说情感智能是一种调控能力。可以说，这种能力作用取决于我们如何很好地利用它，或用于发挥我们其它的天赋与才能上。拥有这种能力，可以使我们缓解自己，并摆脱愤怒和恼怒情绪，对提高效率是很重要的。

另一方面，不能进行自我缓解并由此产生负面情绪，会导致你因无谓的烦恼浪费时间。学习控制你的情绪-也是此帖的目的，学习如何控制怒气-你将腾出更多的时间，几小时，几天，几星期，几个月。

我们要确立必须的限制和界限，使我们把产生的愤怒情绪在适当的时间，以适当的程度和方式表达出来，可以帮助我们与他人友好相处，能使我们创造并建立更美好的生活。愤怒还可以成为推进我们实现梦想的动力。不过，过度的和/或不适当的愤怒会使我们采取行动却不是在我们最感兴趣的事情上。另外，被压制的愤怒会恶化并引起众多的问题，比如，不佳的健康状况，人际关系障碍，自尊心下降，不能集中精力，等等。

过度愤怒

愤怒会引起身体里的生理反应：心率增加，血流加速，并引起激素如肾上腺素的上升而增加了动作的力量。这些生理反应会产生紧张情绪，并使愤怒以攻击的方式瞬间发作，以使紧张情绪得到释放。但是，攻击行为很少能解决潜在的问题，相反地，它可能会使情况升级并导致更多的愤怒，紧张和攻击。

有很多方法可以帮助你缓解愤怒，这些愤怒是因误解，被利用，或其他某种不公正待遇引起的。你在这片文章的结论中会发现一些介绍。通过减轻愤怒的强度，你将使自己处于积极果断行事的状态，并能有效地交流你的感情和需要，以取代攻击他人和以不利于你的方式行事。

压抑愤怒

在另一个极端，有些人通过抑制来对付它。他们简单地尝试将注意力集中到别的地方并希望不去想它，认为愤怒情绪会消失。愤怒是不能从外向表达转为内向的。由此而产生的对愤怒的反应会引起过度紧张，高血压，甚至严重的抑郁症。另外，很多人通过沉溺于某些活动来抑制他的怒气，如贪食，赌博，酗酒，等等。他们还会变得情绪化并因小事而恼火。

如果你意图压制你的怒火，你需要找到办法释放它而不是隐藏它。假装没有生气是抵抗它的一种形式。海尔·多思金，Sedona Method的创始人之一 （Sedona Method是一种方法，它包括，询问自己一系列问题，使你的意识集中在什么是你那一刻的感觉，并慢慢引导你释放它），他曾就释放负面情绪有如下的论述：你停止抵抗任何的负面情绪的时刻就是它放弃控制你的时刻。所以，正视你的情绪，然后释放它。这会让你腾出空间开始感受美好-感受你真正拥有的平静。

结束语

有很多办法可以疏解你的怒气，比如，使自己从所处心境中摆脱出来，散步，建立新的心理情境，为自己设立小的目标以提升你的情绪，等等。我利用每个机会在这个博客提到赛多那疗法（The Sedona Method)，希尔瓦生命系统的冥想方式（The Silva Life Systemfor meditation），和情感自由化的技巧（Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) ），因为我个人很大程度受益于这些方法的使用。这三种方法都对处理愤怒情绪很有效。

利用这些技巧将帮助你化解你的愤怒并将使你从它的负面效应里解脱出来，包括精神紧张，身体的紊乱，和你人际关系的紧张。同时，一旦你学会释放伴随愤怒而来的紧张，你将会从更好的角度以冷静的态度，对任何能制造愤怒的状况作出反应，这样会帮助你消除困境，而不是忽视它或使它变糟。