A State Trooper pulled a car over on a lonely back road and approached the blonde lady driver.

"Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here. I almost had an accident ! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the
right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am ...that's your air freshener."

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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" to which the blonde replies... "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states..."No.. I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual... "If you need anything just let me know."

Well... a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde...he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!!!! He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay??"

"No..." exclaims the blonde, " I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!!!!"

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Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.

St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."

"Wrong!" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."

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Q: What do turtles and blondes have in common? A: When they're on their backs they're screwed.

Q: How did the blonde finally pass her driving test? A: She took the examiner with her.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory? A: She kept on throwing away all the W's.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? A: About 2 cans of hair spray.

Q: What's black, blue, red and brown and lies in a gutter? A: A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.

Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? A: To see what's on the other side.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!

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So this lady buys a coach ticket on a plane bound for Jamaica and proceeds to sit down in 1st Class. A stewardess asks her to move back to coach but the woman looks at the stewardess and just says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm riding in 1st class to Jamaica.

Flustered, the stewardess asks the copilot for help. He says, "Excuse me, may I see your ticket?" After glancing at the ticket he says to the blonde, "I'm sorry but you'll have to move back to the coach section of the plane."

"No" she says, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm riding 1st class to Jamaica!"

Not sure just what to do, the copilot tells the pilot about the matter. "Not to worry" says the pilot, who gets up and walks back to 1st class where the blonde is seated. The pilot leans over and whispers in the blonde's ear upon which she stands up, collects her carry-ons, and goes and sits down in her coach section seat.

Bewildered, the stewardess and co-pilot ask the pilot, "What did you say to her?"

The pilot turns and says, "Oh, I just told her 1st class wasn't flying to Jamaica."

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A blonde friend of mine was getting real tired of hearing blonde jokes, so she decided to do something about it. In order to prove that not all blondes were stupid, she spent a couple of days studying a United States map and memorized all the capitols for all the states. The next time she was with a group of people, someone started telling a blonde joke.

"Hey", she said, "not all blondes are stupid and I can prove it. Give the name of any state and I'll tell you it's capitol."

"Vermont," someone called out.

"V," she replied with a smile.

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Last week while I was out on the West Coast, my boss and I stopped by a super market in Palo Alto/Mt. View to get some fruit. I got in line with this blonde cashier, paid for my groceries and commented to the teenage boy bagging my purchases that I really look forward to California because the fruit is so much better than the stuff on the East Coast. He smiled and nodded, and I picked up my bag and left. A few minutes later my boss, who was behind me in line, came out and related the following story:

The young Mexican boy who was bagging asked "Where's the East Coast?"

Replied the blonde checkout girl, with her nose in the air, "You know, the East coast. Out east, by the Atlantic Ocean."

"Oh, I see. What are some of the states?"

The blonde, who seemed to be getting frustrated at having to deal with such an ignorant person, replied in a really condescending tone, "You know, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Long Island...."